At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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