I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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