so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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