1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
