but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
