Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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