Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
