Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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