filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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