i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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