I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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