Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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