hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Randomize
