he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
