It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
