He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
