My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
