There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
