Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
