so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
