Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
