So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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