he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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