I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
