i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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