I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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