I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize