i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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