we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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