i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
only you would photoshop your dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
