apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
