He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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