im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
