i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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