So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I won the penis lottery.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
