I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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