is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
