Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
