I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
