I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize