we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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