theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
