That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
