She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
