you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
