Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
