i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dating After Heartbreak
She told me I should be a condom model.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.