I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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