Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.