She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.