I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.