Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
