At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
