dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
