if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
