i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
