What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
