Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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