I just saw a hot homeless man
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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