weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
