Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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