I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
