Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
