when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
