did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
