This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize