i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
