I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
