The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
