Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
