He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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