I cockslap morals
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
