Already got asked if we're dating
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
