Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
