Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
