I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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