I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
