He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
