i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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