listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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