Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
