Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
