My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
